Week 4: LOL

Okay, I know what's on all of your minds. I missed a week. I'm sorry. That's going to happen every once in a while if you want quality blog posts. But you know the coolest part about having missed a week? It really doesn't matter what you think because it's my blog. This week I'll be talking about something that any rational, older-than-preteen person should also take issue with, and that is the shortening of phrases into words that don't exist. I'm talking about things like "lol" or "btw" or "brb" or "pwutdbttf" (people who use these deserve bricks to the face).

This is a real problem. These acronyms emerged in the mid 2000s, when all of us first started using instant messaging. It was also, coincidentally, when we were all first learning how to type. So naturally we developed acronyms so we could avoid having to type. That was all well and good IN 6TH GRADE. The problem is that it stuck with us, and now those 6th graders are college students and they're still using these damn acronyms. Please don't put "btw" in a text to me. You're educated. It really doesn't take that much longer to type "by the way" (I should know, I just typed it) and it makes you sound at least 60 times smarter. And trust me, some of you people need all the help you can get. This is a real message that was put in a GroupMe by one of my real friends who goes to my real college:

Can anybody else decode this nonsense? Because I had to ask what like 4 of these things meant. For reference: plz=please, lmk=let me know, bc=because, kms=kill myself. I think an easier way to write this would have been, "Smne plz lmk who n thre rte mnd wnts 4 kds n 4 yrs bc i wnt 2 kms." It gets the same message across and took like, at least 5 fewer seconds to write. I've also learned that if you can write like that, it makes you the coolest kid in your middle school.

Another problem with these acronyms is that it's never really clear what they mean. My mom thought "lol" meant little old ladies for like 2 years before we told her it meant laughing out loud. My dad thought it meant lots of love. Do you know how disastrous that could have been? Imagine a Facebook post about somebody who's lost a loved one, and my dad comments, "Lol, keeping you in my prayers!" That could have actually happened. Thank goodness it didn't. If nobody knows the acronym that you're using, it completely defeats the purpose of using that acronym. It doesn't make the conversation any shorter if everybody has to ask you what the hell you're trying to say. 

I realized a few weeks ago, with shock, that this disease had afflicted my family as well. We were sitting in the car, and my sister said "lmk" (which means let me know, as you'll remember) in verbal communication. As in, my two sisters were talking, and she said something along the lines of, "yeah sure, just lmk." That came out of her mouth. Do you know what this means for my family? We had to move. Both of my parents had to quit their jobs. That sister was forced to drop out of college and she's now living a humble life as a blueberry farmer. It's one thing to type three letters because you think it's shorter than typing three words. You'll look ridiculous, but you could at least back up your actions with facts and statistics. But "lmk" and "let me know", in verbal communication, have the same number of syllables. That means it takes the exact same amount of time to say either one. So you could say "lmk" and look like a jackass, or you could say "let me know" and look like, well, a normal human being speaking to another normal human being. Because that's how humans communicate.

My real fear for my sister is how this will affect her in the future. Does she speak to her friends like that? What do they think of her? What will happen when she goes to a job interview? If the interviewer says "let me know what you think about our benefits," will she just respond with a blank stare because she's forgotten what let me know means? If the interviewer says something funny, will she respond with, "lol" instead of just laughing? These are questions that need answers. 

There's no question that these acronyms are making us, as a society, dumber. I think all colleges should hold a class on how to erase all the bad habits that your 6th grade self learned. In it, you'll learn about deodorant that isn't Axe, how to spell out full words, how to properly address an email, the difference between your and you're, and how to have a full conversation without using the word bro. We'll call it Being an Adult 101.

I hope you all enjoyed this week's post. Farewell until next week.