Week 14: Today

Today was a great day. The sun was shining, the grass seemed greener than usual, it was warm, bright, and beautiful. HAH, just kidding. Today blew. Here's why:

The Pollen: It's now spring, which is the shittiest time of the year. Walking outside is a recipe for instant death for anybody who, like me, was born with an unfortunate allergy to plant sperm. The yellow crap covers everything. Want to get into your car? Enjoy battling through a layer of plant shit. Step outside? You'll instantly be coated in the stuff. I have to shower every night and every morning to ensure that I look like a little bit less of a zombie when walking around campus during the day. Today was particularly bad because I didn't have a tissue during my finance test, and I was about half a second away from blowing my nose into the freaking scantron before turning it in. I don't know why evolution was able to give us opposable thumbs but wasn't able to keep us from being allergic to the outside.

NO DON'T TOUCH THE DEATHDUST. NEVER TOUCH THE DEATHDUST

The Heat: It's getting to that time of year again: the "famous" Columbia swamp weather. That means it's climbing to 90 degrees and 50% humidity. Enjoy, residents of Columbia, as you can't walk more than 100 yards without looking like you just hopped out of the shower. Today was one of those days. I had backpack-shaped sweat marks on my shirt by 11:30. It was horrible, and it just reminds me that I'll be sweating out of my ass for the rest of the semester.

Preach

The Muffins in the Business School Cafe: I like muffins. I like to enjoy a muffin between classes. About a month ago, the cafe in the business school replaced their regular sized muffins with mini muffins. Um, what the fuck? I don't know what over-indulgent, self-control-lacking asshole had that idea, but they don't deserve to have muffins of any size. If you can't buy a muffin and only eat half of it, then stick to water and celery. There's no need to ruin everybody else's enjoyment. This was pertinent today because I bought a muffin and, once again, they were still miniature. A little part of me hopes every morning that they've gone back to the regular sized muffins, and that same part of me dies every morning when they're miniature. I pay a lot of money to go to this school. I know they can afford some damn muffin trays.

This here is what we call a bullshit muffin

The Fact That it's Thursday: Admit it, Thursdays suck. It's just the day you have to get through before Friday. Thursday is like the salad you have to eat before your mom will let you eat your ice cream. It tastes like shit, and you can't imagine why anybody would enjoy it.

No explanation necessary

I hope you all enjoyed your pollen filled, hot, mini-muffined, shitty Thursday. I didn't. See you all next week for an all new complaint.