We're trying something a little different this week. In lieu of my normal listicle-style blog post, I've written an open letter to the trash-food serving catering company that calls itself Sodexo. Enjoy:
To whom it may concern,
Sodexo serves garbage on a paper plate. If I had a nickel for every day I've walked into the food court and stood at a loss as to (literally) which poison to pick, I'd have a nickel for every day I've been at this school. Read: a shit ton of nickels. You know it's bad when Taco Bell is one of the more luxurious options in the dining hall. It may cause firey-hot diarrhea, but at least it's consistent. Your standard Sodexo food is bland, greasy, oftentimes cold, and wreaks havoc on my stomach like I've never felt before. The freshman 15 is nonexistent at South Carolina because nobody here wants to eat the food.
Another issue is the price. In what world is a single, plain cheeseburger that's been sitting on the grill for 2 hours worth $6.50? In no world. Do you know how much an identical cheeseburger costs at Five Guys, a vastly superior burger restaurant? $5.09. By those standards, you should be paying me to eat your butt-burgers. By the way, this ridiculous price includes neither your grossly under-cooked french fries nor a drink. Nope, those will push the price for the meal over $10. For lunch. For a burger that I watched your "chefs" take out of the freezer and throw on the grill two hours ago.
Somehow, dining services at the University of South Carolina was ranked number 23 in the country earlier this year. This was touted all over campus, with signs displayed everywhere and t-shirts made for every single dining hall employee to wear every day. I can't fathom how bad the food at every other university in the country must be, because our food is absolutely horrible and we have the 23rd best food in the nation. This is beyond ridiculous and bordering on the insane. I have no clue what slightly-more-edible-than-usual trash you served the critics, but it certainly couldn't have been anything that I eat on a regular basis. Is there a post-consumption ranking? Like maybe they ranked us #23 for taste, but #4,000 for what the food does to you once it's actually inside your body. Even that's a stretch, though, because I can't imagine you guys being within the top 100 for taste.
If one were to peruse Sodexo's website (something they might be compelled to do after having one of your cheeseburgers stop them up like a shaken champagne bottle) they'll see that you claim to be dedicated to improving quality of life for all of your consumers. I think I speak for everyone when I say the only thing that would improve our quality of living would be to not have Sodexo food at this school. I think I'd rather eat peanut butter and jelly with doritos every day for the rest of my tenure here than be subjected to the gastrointestinal train wreck that is your food. But alas, I have a meal plan and I must continue to use it. I'll see you tomorrow, Sodexo, with a grimace on my face.
Sincerely,
Remarkably Dissatisfied
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