The Inconsistency: The weather here changes faster than a vegan's hair color. Let me walk you through my morning this past Wednesday: Woke up for my 8:05 class and it was absolutely pouring. So, I grabbed a rain jacket and put on my boots so I was prepared for the monsoon outside my door. After I got out of my second class at 10:30, I left the business building to see that it was 75 and sunny outside. So I complained internally (and probably externally a little bit) about the fact that I was wearing my heavy ass boots but I stuffed my rain jacket into my backpack and carried on with my day. I had a meeting from 12:15 to 1:15, and when I left that building it was RAINING AGAIN. So I stopped to put on my rain jacket. Then, no more than 10 minutes into my walk, the clouds cleared and it was sunny again because my life is a living first-world nightmare. At this point I had given up, so I just continued to walk to the library looking like I was prepared for a hurricane. I think that story about sums up how awful the weather changes are here. I could talk about how yesterday it was 75 degrees and today it was 50, or the fact that we'll go for weeks without rain and then have rain every day for a month, but I think you get the picture.
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| This is a cartoon because apparently that's what my life has become |
The Extremes: If you ask a freshman from out of state why they chose to come to this godforsaken city, I can guarantee "the weather" will be somewhere in their response. Those people are dumb. Just wait until you make it a full year in Columbia and you'll quickly change your mind. In August and September, it's so humid outside that you don't know if you're sweating or if it's just water accumulating on your body. Combine that with an average temperature of 95 and you'll make it a rule to never wear gray for fear of having permanent backpack-shaped sweat stains on all of your shirts. Then, come October there's an immediate shift and it just rains. All the time. And never stops. Sometimes, it's rainy and cold as balls. But guess what? It just never reaches that combination of rainy and below freezing so we don't have school. Nope, it's always rainy and like 34 degrees. So you hate your life and you still have to go to class. When I go home, people always say "oh, South Carolina? I bet you love it down there, wearing shorts all the time." Shorts? The weather here either necessitates just underwear or a damn parka. There is no in between.
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| This is a real temperature in Columbia |
Columbia's "brilliant" marketing team has branded the city as "Famously Hot." I think they should consider changing that. Something along the lines of "Famously Shitty" might get the point across. We have floods, ice, ridiculous heat, tornadoes, and everything in between. I really don't know what the deal is here. It's like the equator runs through all the countries on the middle of the globe (or, if you're a moron like B.o.B. and think the world is flat, through all the countries on the middle of the plate-like shape that is our world) and then juts up to Columbia, SC. The average temperature in Columbia's hottest month, July, is 92 degrees. Head 430 miles south to freaking Orlando, Florida and the average temperature in their hottest month, also July, is 82 degrees. Do you see the problem here? It's like mother nature took a huge dump on South Carolina and decided to name it Columbia.
While this may be my most ridiculous complaint yet, those who live in Columbia will agree that the weather here sucks. I can't change it, but I can sure as hell complain about it. I hope you all have a great rest of your week, because with the way the weather has been so far, I probably won't.
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